I have been in a relationship for 1.5 years. I moved myself and my daughter 3 hours away from friends and family to be with him. We have an excellent situation with the paternal family and life couldn't be better except........I am extremely unhappy with our sex life. I have come to the conclusion that he has become de-sensitized from the porn that he watches. It doesn't bother me that he watches it because of the work he does over seas. He is away for a month from civilization with no phone or internet just letters (from me). In the beginning there was so much passion which is my weakness. Now when it comes to a sexual encounter with him its very routine. We wait until bed with barely any affection before. I wash my face, he's already in bed, I climb into bed and he goes straight for one of three areas on my body. I am beginning to dread even going to bed with him because I am having troubles getting turned on. He wants me to be more spontaneous but I don't see the spontaneity in any of it. I would like to do it in the living room or the kitchen or the car or anywhere but the bed. I have mentioned everything I have mentioned here in this forum to him and he seems to be trying but it doesn't last long. He feels that I am telling him everything he's doing is wrong, I've NEVER used those words. The thing is now I'm afraid to even say anything so I'm losing interest in sex with him entirely. I love him so much and I am still very attracted to him but the attraction is dissipating with the thought of him being so selfish and in-sensitive!!!! Any advice out there?????

Well, I'm not sure if this would help but you said that he watches a lot of porn. I know that can have a very negative effect on the relationship. I've seen this first hand. But, maybe since this seems to be a big part of his sexuality now, maybe you could get a nice "porn for couples" type of video. Nothing vulgar, but some passionate love making and a lot of foreplay if you know what I mean Maybe surprise him one day with it in a DVD p_layer_ in your living room and tell him that maybe you could act out what you see on the screen. This could be very hot and be something different from the routine. Anyway, you know your guy the best so you know if this is a good idea or not, but maybe it would be something you could try. Possibly that could show him that there are other places and ways to make love than just in the bed before sleeping.

Good luck!!

Trust me. From my own experience what this advice is going to help you very much. The best way to turn him on and be spontanous is to catch him off guard. let me explain what I mean by that. Let's say you are driving somewhere and you just parked. Just look at him. He will look back and just give him a guy or engage in some kind of contact. Then grab his face and kiss him. Slowly you will start to make out. As soon as you see that he is very much into kissing, you should touch any sensitive and sensual areas ( penis) rubbing it slowly to excite him. After this, he wont be able to resist and he will want to go all the way. When you kiss him, be very INTO THE ACT DONT LET HIM THINK YOUR NOT ENJOYING IT. THE MORE A MAN REALIZES YOU WANT HIM, the more turned on he gets. SO CATCH HIM OFF GUARD. GOOD LUCK!!

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